


Eternal Otaku

by Chronos_X



Series: Headcanons (2016-) [13]
Category: Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball GT, Dragon Ball Super, Dragon Ball Z
Genre: Beerus is gonna claw his eyes out, Characters question their life choices, Eternal Dragon is low-key an Eternal Pervert, Fifty Shades of Grey Parody, Funny, G.S.D.A.W. (Gods Shipping Gods Against Their Will), Game of Thrones References, Goku is completely and utterly clueless, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Incest, Inspired by Game of Thrones, Lannister Lovin', Need Brain Bleach, Other, Shenron is an otaku, Shenron roasts everybody, Vegeta is gonna OD on Brain Bleach, otaku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23692636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronos_X/pseuds/Chronos_X
Summary: Also available at https://www.deviantart.com/chronos-x/art/Eternal-Otaku-783920850Dragon Ball Super: Twilight of Gods I - https://archiveofourown.org/series/1466320
Relationships: Beerus & Champa (Dragon Ball), Beerus/Champa, Beerus/Original Male Character
Series: Headcanons (2016-) [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635487
Kudos: 3





	Eternal Otaku

Eternal Otaku, by Chronos-X

Feb 2, 2019, 8:21:16 PM

Literature / Fan Fiction / Humor 

( _Shenron is summoned. Freakishness ensues_ ).

Shenron ( _solemn_ ): I am the Eternal Dragon. Speak your wish and I shall... ( _Looks down, sees it's Goku and friends, is disappointed_ ). Oh, it's you guys again. What is it this time?

Goku ( _confused_ ): Uh...

Shenron ( _bored_ ): Wait, wait, lemme guess... did the washed-up fighter die again?

Yamcha ( _shrugs_ ): That one didn't hurt at all.

Shenron: The funny bald guy?

Krillin ( _utterly emotionless_ ): Nice seeing you too...

Shenron: The three-eyed freak? His porcelain gimp?

Tien/Chiaotzu ( _mortally offended_ ): HEY!

Shenron ( _growing impatient_ ): The pervy old man with the turtle fetish?

Master Roshi ( _gives a thumbs-up_ ): Still here, baby!

Shenron ( _unimpressed_ ): The green guy who doesn't have a w...

Piccolo ( _stern_ ): Go ahead, finish that sentence. See what happens.

Shenron ( _scoffs_ ): Whatever. Make your wish already so I can go back to binging on ice cream and questioning my life choices. ( _Gives Dende the stink-eye_ ). Oh, wait...

Beerus ( _annoyed_ ): Cut the crap, you overblown lizard! Just find the Super Saiyan God and...

Shenron ( _awed_ ): Is... is that... it can't be... ( _giddy_ ). OMG, IT'S BEERUS! GOD OF FREAKING DESTRUCTION BEERUS! ( _Clears throat_ ). One moment, please... ( _Snaps his fingers, is covered by a mini explosion of magic smoke. When it clears, he's wearing an exact replica of Beerus' outfit, surrounded by action figures and other knickknacks_ ). It's such an honor to meet you, Lord Beerus! I'm your number one biggest fan!

Beerus ( _flabbergasted_ ): Thanks... I guess? Anyway, about that Super Saiyan God...

Shenron ( _still fanboying_ ): I'm so sorry, Bills-sama! I can't find a Super Saiyan God, but I can tell you how to make one. ( _Searches his papers and junk_ ). I know I left those instructions here somewhere... wait, no, that's my old Broly body pillow I've only washed twice, an empty bag of vintage Garlic Jr. pork rinds, my signed copy of the lost script to _Living with Vegeto_ , the first season of _My Neighbor Gogeta_... aha! ( _Hands Whis a piece of paper. Whis skims over it, blushes heavily, barely stifles a laugh_ ).

Beerus: What's so funny? ( _Snatches paper, reads_ ). "And then Sureeb Greyhound sexily took off his turtleneck shirt and slowly, gently guided Nornehs Steeldrac's hands lower and lower through his rock-hard abdomen and said "Unzip it and go Hakai all over my..." What the f#%k!?

Shenron: I'm so sorry, Beerus-sama! I must've given you a copy of _Sixty-Nine Hues of Hakai_ by mistake!

Beerus ( _blushing heavily_ ): This is sick and wrong on so many levels!

Whis ( _matter-of-factly_ ): I quite agree, my Lord. Turtlenecks don't suit you at all.

Shenron ( _blissfully absentminded_ ): Come to think of it, that was one of my early drafts, so...

Beerus ( _losing his composure_ ): Who cares what it was!? Tell me how to create a Super Saiyan God!

Shenron ( _somewhere between mortified and terrified_ ): My sincerest apologies, Lord Beerus! Here you... ( _Stops himself from giving him another paper_ ). No, wait, this is a deleted version of _Sleepless with Jiren_! ( _Throws it away, picks up a bundle of papers and discards one after another_ ). _Vados' Night Out_? No. _Belmod's Agony of Ecstasy_? Hell no! _The Awakening of Piccolo and Nail_? Definitely Not Safe for Work! _Gohan's Brand Spanking New Adventures_? Maybe...

Beerus ( _furious_ ): I DIDN'T SUMMON YOU TO WATCH YOU ORGANIZE YOUR THIRD-RATE F#$K-FESTS, YOU ZEN-OH-DAMNED, OVERRATED REPTILE! GIVE ME MY SUPER SAIYAN GOD BEFORE I HAKAI YOU INTO THE NEXT MILLENNIUM! 

Shenron ( _scared shitless_ ): Sorry, sorry! ( _Gives him another paper_ ). _This_ is the right one... I think. ( _Beerus reads the new paper, drops it, starts retching_ ).

Whis: Lord Beerus? ( _Picks up the paper, reads it as Beerus vomits off-camera_ ). Oh my!

Vegeta ( _takes paper from Whis, skims over it_ ): What's wrong? What's gotten into... ( _Vegeta's face turns pale as he disintegrates the paper with a ki blast_ ).

Shenron ( _furious_ ): Hey, why'd you do that for!? I spent centuries writing that story!

Vegeta ( _nauseated_ ): _Hakaishin Lannister Loving_ is nota story. It's an abomination.

Shenron ( _petulant_ ): Well excuse _me_ , Mr. I-Used-to-Blow-Up-Planets-for-a-Living! I had nothing else going on in my life before you guys started dropping like flies every couple of weeks!

Beerus ( _still queasy_ ): He... he gen... he gender-bent me. _ME_!

Whis ( _deadpan_ ): No need to get upset, my Lord. You've seen and done worse things throughout your eons.

Beerus ( _outraged_ ): NOT WITH MY FREAKING BROTHER-SLASH-SISTER, I HAVEN'T!

Goku ( _deliciously clueless_ ): Guys, what's "Lannister Loving"?

Bulma ( _tries not to facepalm_ ): Remember that show we all watched together last year?

Trunks: The one you guys didn't want me and Goten watching 'cause that blonde lady had too much cleavage?

Bulma ( _scandalized_ ): Trunks!

Trunks: Well, it's true!

Vegeta: The one with Middlefinger.

Piccolo: Littlefinger.

Vegeta: Whatever.

Goku ( _still confused_ ): Is that the one with the ice zombies and the dragons and the ladies who were too poor to buy clothes?

Chi Chi ( _mortified_ ): No more questions, Goku. 

Goku: Why not?

Chi Chi ( _looks him in the eyes_ ): Shadow Creature Hanky-Panky.

Goku: Huh?

Chi Chi: I rest my case.

Shenron: Lord Beerus... Sir? Do you still want to learn about the Super Saiyan God?

Beerus ( _cringing, twitching all over_ ): All I want to do is go home and...

Champa ( _walks in,_ _all cocky and self-important_ ): Hey, losers. ( _Beerus screams and faints_ ). Was it something I said?

Whis: If you'll excuse us, I have to take Lord Beerus home and douse him in Brain Bleach. ( _To Bulma_ ). I'll be back later for more tasty treats. Ciao! _(Leaves with Beerus_ ).

Shenron: So... you guys wanna read my Frieza x Cooler stuff? Guys? ( _Looks down, realizes everyone except Champa is gone_ ). Guess not... ( _Turns to Champa_ ). Hey, cutie! Want me to ship you? ( _Winks suggestively_ ).

Champa: 0_0


End file.
